Someone very close to me is going through a very difficult time.  I’ve prayed for her, supported her, and been there for her.  I’ve listened to her and cried with her.  I have come closer to feeling her pain than I ever ever want to.  And I’m honored when she says that she trusts me; I am glad that God gives us wisdom that we can share with others on this earth.  Yet, the very exact thing I keep telling her that she needs to not do—she does it, anyway.  I strongly believe that she could get through this difficult time a million times faster and a thousand times easier if she’d just do one thing consistently.  Yet, even yesterday, she blatantly ignored this advice.  It pains me to see her make unwise decisions—decisions that are not helping her, but rubbing harsh salt and acid into her reopened wounds. She doesn’t see the pain and damage she’s inflicting on herself when she makes these decisions.  I love her.  I want the best for her.  And I don’t give her advice based on my desire for her to do what I’d do, but based on my desire to see her whole again—restored, refreshed, wiser, and determined to spread God’s love to others with her story of His might and comfort.  And I know that she is a “free agent” and an adult who is allowed to make her own decisions.

Still: it hurts me when she doesn’t make the wise choice, yet continues to tell me that I’m the only one who she really trusts and who really supports her.  I feel as though I'm being told a lie over and over again.

I do the same thing to God over and over again. When Jesus was speaking to multitudes, He said, "Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye" (ESV: Luke 6. 41, 42). 

How it must pain my Savior when I don’t take His advice!  How He must ache to see me thrive and succeed at spreading His love and truth!  And Oh! how I must ignore His many many warnings and suggestions to do things in a way that would make my life better, easier, and full of more love and peace and truth!  He longs for me to make the decision to be at total and all-the-time peace about my future.  He delights in me when I decide to choose kindness over bitterness and selfishness.  He is thrilled when He can love though my hands, feet, and words.  And here I am: Hurt that someone would act as though they trust me and then ignore my counsel.  Yet, I do the very same thing time after time to my Savior, who I trust, admire, adore, and long to be even closer to.  I am not lying to God when I tell Him that I trust and adore Him.  I am not lying to Him when I tell Him that He is the most supportive and trustworthy One.  I mean every word.  Yet, my actions betray my heart, at times.

I am thankful that God chooses to see me as His: perfect, beloved.  I am thankful that God speaks to my heart when I start to become irritated with a brother or sister in Christ who is failing in ways similar to or different from the ways I fail.  Furthermore, I am thankful that He shows me the right path and reminds me which choice is the one that honors Him and blesses others.  I am no where near perfect, but I can attain a consistent habit of checking my own eye for debris before trying to help another person remove the log in their own eye.

Lord, forgive me when I am unloving toward others.

Furthermore, I pray that God would give me wisdom to help anyone who comes to me asking for advice; I pray that I am given an extra measure of patience, clear thought, and communion with God so that I might speak with wisdom, in kindness, and in love.  I pray that the abundance of Love that God pours over me may be, in turn, poured out upon all who seek guidance so that they are granted Grace.  May I also be able to be a safe place for them to come in order to find comfort when they make a painfully good decision or after they make an unwise decision. 

Yesterday morning, I woke up at 5:42, checked my facebook account, and took a shower.  Then, I dressed myself; blow-dried and straightened my hair; and put my face on.  I went into the kitchen, grabbed my frozen lunch from the fridge, and poured some orange juice into a travel mug; I went into the living room and reorganized the papers on the couch that I was grading and put them into my sweet messenger bag.  As I was about ready to leave, I put my messenger bag on my right shoulder, slipped my purse onto my left shoulder, picked up my lunch with my right hand and snagged my orange juice mug with my left hand.  I walked down the stairs to my garage and put my lunch on top of my car so as to free the hand so I could open the rear driver’s side door.  I placed my lunch in the seat and dropped my bag in the floor board.  I shut the door and opened the front driver’s side door and dropped my purse into my hand, sat down, put the orange juice mug between my thighs and grabbed the keys needed to start the car.  I closed the door, placed my purse in the passenger seat, pushed the garage door opener, waited, then rolled out from my garage.

When I arrived at my parking spot at work, I put Cameron (my car) in park, pulled the E-brake for safe keeping, shut off the car, took the keys and grabbed my purse and mug before getting out.  My purse went on my left shoulder while the OJ mug was in my left  hand.  I opened the rear door, put my messenger bag on my right shoulder, grabbed my frozen pot roast bowl and put it in my left  hand with my orange juice mug handle.  I shoved my keys in my pocket, closed the back door, pushed the lock button on the front door, closed it, then realized I needed to grab a drink from my trunk.  I pulled the keys back from my pocket, unlocked the trunk, reached all the way to the front of the trunk to grab a Sprite, pinned the can between my arm and my side, closed the trunk, pulled out the keys, and put my keys back into my right pocket.  I took the Sprite from under my arm and held it with my right hand.  To recap, I had the following going on: right shoulder: messenger bag; right hand: Sprite; left shoulder: purse; left hand: orange juice mug, frozen pot roast lunch bowl. 

So, I managed to walk into the building after someone held the door for me.  I put the Sprite down on the counter in front, signed in, and picked the Sprite back up.  I walked past the counter to check my mailbox.  I had several papers.  I sat the Sprite atop the lunch bowl for a second, grabbed the short stack of differently-shaped papers and sympathy cards, and held the warm Sprite between my thumb and forefinger as the rest of the fingers clinched at the papers.  I walked to my classroom, pushed the door open with my right foot and proceeded to put everything down carefully on the closest student desk.  I put down the frozen bowl of pot roast, then the orange juice mug.  I used my left hand to pull the papers from my right then dropped them to the desk before placing the Sprite with the rest.  I let go of my messenger bag beside my desk chair and hid my purse away.  I then proceeded to put all the desk-dropped items in their appropriate places: fridge, desk, etc. 

Do you ever feel like you’re carrying too much? 

Psalm 55.22a says "Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you."

There are some times in life when we feel that we need to handle everything.  We must take care of everything.  If we just keep going--keep picking up the things we think we need--we will eventually figure it out and solve all the problems at hand.  Obviously, I've struggled with this literally, lately.  But also: spiritually.  I keep thinking I can handle all the things that I face solo.  It's not true.

When I got to my classroom and put everything down, I was free to focus on happy things--like breakfast.  When I was holding all of it, all I could do was focus on every single appendage and its current job. 

When I hand my troubles/burdens over to God, He sustains me.  He keeps me going.  He handles everything.  Then, I'm free to enjoy the beauty that surrounds me: a friend's smile, a teenager's wit, the moon, the sound of my love's voice, etc.